Welcome to Individuality! Feel free to comment, critique, applaud, or despise anything and everything here. Just be respectful of other views!! Take a look at my links to the right, ESPECIALLY Life In Fiction. Don't forget to SHARE with others!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I Scream, You Scream, We all scream for....finals week.

So this week is finals week. You know what that means? A dead head, the inability to focus, ADD, and lots and lots of caffeine to keep me functioning. BUT NO LATE NIGHTS THIS SEMESTER!! :) next semester that may not be true...
Anyways, I can't think. My head hurts. My brain seems to like to work while playing video games though.... I should test this theory.... How are you guys though? Anyone else on finals week? Any tips on how to get through it?

Saturday, December 3, 2011

That moment when you fear that everything good in your life is going to fall apart

Wednesday, November 30, 2011


the rush the bustle
all that hustle
move, keep moving
don't stop
don't slow
move. Move. MOVE.

Don't stand here
amongst the crowd
blurred faces passing you
a stream and a river
of top hats and longs coats
of blue eyes and dark faces.

Don't slow US down
as we hurry and be productive
as we forget the meaning of leisure,
of relaxing and unwinding.
Don't slow us down
because you need to stand still.

Keep busy.
Do work.
Go from dance to self-defense
from yoga to your nine-to-five job
from soccer to the sports bar
from the bar to the club
from your friend's home to the movies.
Keep moving.

Lose breath and you lose.
If you can't do it,
you're too slow
too weak
too incompetent.
You body is limp with inability
a flimsy piece of paper
that can't support a dream.

So keep moving.
Be busy and hustle
follow all that bustle.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


Take deep breaths
count slow

Five, six,
seven, eight
nothing is right
take a break

nine, ten, eleven, twelve
this won't work
not anymore.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

The Dead Poets

The Dead Poets Society
Sucking the marrow from the bones of life
Getting every last drop
Before feeding the worms.
Those squirmy, gnawing beasts.

Carpe Diem
Seize the day
Leave naught behind
on this journey full of sunshine
heartache and strife.

Stand up
Speak out
Use the Dead Poets' words
Use the lessons that life has taught you.

Your best friend dead
Or your son from suicide.
Fix your mistakes.
Stop chasing a reputation
of superficial means

Seek enjoyment,
not fulfillment.
For in joy
comes greatness.
Do as you love
and you shall be
a Wonder
upon the world.

(a response to the movie The Dead Poets Society with Robin Williams)
~Anora Anakaya~
Carpe Diem

Saturday, October 22, 2011

A Few New Favorites

So recently I have found three sites that I have absolutely fallen in love with: Hello Poetry, StudyBlue, and StumbleUpon. So, I know that StumbleUpon is old news but sometimes I get behind on the times. It is the most efficient time waster ever. It has helped me find helpful homework links (from those pesty current event posting requirements in history class to links that help me get through reading Hamlet in a timely manner) and has also added quite a bit of humor to my day. So.... Those of you who don't know it, go check it out. Those of you that do, good for you.

Hello Poetry (HP for short) is a place to post poems and get reviews. It has a large community and some interesting features. I've even gotten feedback from one of the staff members! It really is great. I get to read others' works and leave my thoughts as well as get new ideas for my own work. Check it out. Hello Poetry.

StudyBlue is in a completely different direction. It is a site that helps you make flashcards. You can share these flashcards with friends and classmates to help them out or you can keep them to yourself. Currently, it is helping me prepare for a Botany test that I may likely fail. They even have a mobile app for your smartphone! Here their link.

Don't fret about bookmarking these too much. I'll be adding them to my favorite links corner to the right.
Have fun enjoying these lovely sites :)

~Anora Anakaya~

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Sometimes I can't wait
until I can get up and leave this ride.
Sometimes I can only see
the green grass on the other side

All you proclaim
is the greenest is here
All you proclaim
is exactly what I do not want to hear.

Take from me nothing
Smother the breath from me
Shut down my living
Kill me ever so slowly

Separate me from all I know
Speak all you wish to hear
Believe your own lies
I'll shut down my ears.

I'm not a puppet to be controlled
I'm a free and individual soul
Soon I'll cut my ties to this place
Soon I'll be allowed to leave

Stop holding me back
let me move on
Stop trying to make this
something it's not.

You're hurting me,
digging claws into my flesh,
and scream shouts of pain
that should come from my mouth.

You shut down my voice
you call me a lier,
a speaker of daggers,
But look at the point of your own sharp words
covered in blood
mucus and bile.
See what you have dragged up from me
and call me toward cruelty
for making you see:

You are no better than me.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

I fear the coming age,
the one that leaves the world
discovered entirely.

What will there be left for me
if all great works are finished
but menial tasks of daily life?

The age that comes is fearsome
the stage is sets is tearsome
But leave me not alone

Come with me through these days
Don't leave me due to fright.
I'll live yet through this, as should you

So with me stay
leave me not this day
Without you, there is no meaning at all

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Crying doesn't help, but is sure can make someone feel better. It's too bad I've forgotten how to cry.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I'm frightened to speak and find myself a fool, but I've been told that being successful and being brave comes from not fearing being wrong. But if I falsely speak, I could lose what I hold dear for forever. How could I live with myself then? Shall I bite my tongue? Censure my speech? Or simply speak my mind? Fear has left me indecisive.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Carpe Diem

I'm stressed, tired, frustrated, and falling behind. I have dreams, aspirations, and realizations. I'm through with it all. Forget yesterday, it has already slipped through my fingers. Forget about tomorrow, it will change anyway. Worry about today, right now, this moment. There is nothing else. Take what I've learned about the past, my failures and my successes, and learn from it. But don't apply it to the future. The future doesn't exist. Apply it to today. Today is right here. It's tangible, livable, inevitable. What you did to me yesterday, no longer matters. What you will do to me in the future, isn't of consequence. Today you are here. Today you are a friend. So here I am. I won't leave you today. I can't promise you tomorrow, but today is everything anyway. Today I will seize the day, because today IS the day, the only day.

Carpe Diem.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Moving On

Goodbye old dreams,
Hello new realities.

Why can't I seem
to understand

What was
is no longer.

Friday, October 7, 2011


My heart is breaking
My body aching
and those gremlins
are out to get me.

First they came
when I was scared to believe
now they make me shake
at the thought of losing,
or missing out on, you.

Is it true what they whisper?
Or do I fool myself
by opening my ears?

I'm falling down a rabbit hole
and I'm passing by all these strange things:

The feeling of love
bottled on a shelf
labeled with a sticky-note
Fear personified
in a little corner hiding
from itself
And my own naivety
written out on walls,
painted with blood.

And I'm falling farther and farther down
deeper into despair.
Music doesn't dull
my senses
as it used to.
No, it sharpens them
into deadly knives,
all pointed at my heart.

Let's follow the yellow brick road
down to Oz
Maybe the wizard can give my heart
to a lion
that lacks compassion.

Perhaps I could enter
the 100 Acre Wood
and laugh my troubles away
with T-I- double G- ER.
Or maybe Owl has words of wisdom.

Perhaps Peter
could teach me to fly
just happy thoughts and pixie dust?

I think Cruella
might hurt me more,
those poor dalmatians
But then again,
poor me.

I hate this falling. .

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Time Turner

I need a time turner
An hourglass in a golden dial
that turns, and turns,   and turns
and resets time for awhile.

Take me back two weeks
So I can schedule what I need
Take me back
So that I can breathe.

So many things
so much to lose
Can't you take me back
so that I might see the cues?

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Void Of White

a blank page
lines are drawn
lines to make letters
letters for words
a slow process of pulling
a thought from my head
to write on this page.
Anything I want
Anything I can imagine.
So here it goes
Here goes everything
Everything I’ve got
Nothing left out
Not a thought
or a feeling
not bled onto the page
The blank page is red
deep and dark
soaking wet.
The words drip off
like an over-filled sponge.
No, it’s not blank anymore
Not empty. 
Not a void 
of white.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Why does it feel as if I've been broken up with when there was no relationship to start with?
I lack the words to describe how I feel. And I lack the drive to find out the words that fit the definition I require, because as soon as I find those words it makes everything that much more real.

Monday, September 26, 2011


Notes tick the time away.
Every two and a half minutes
are marked by the end
and a beginning

My head bobs up and down
to an invisible beat
only audible to my ears.

I find myself
mouthing the words
I dare not sing them aloud
in such a public space.

A smile spreads across my face
and slowly
an hour of waiting
becomes minutes of dreaming
and what once was forever
is simply a moment in time.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Logic or Love

Two halves of me are warring.
One with logic and good intent.
The other with feeling and a heart.

One bends all reality 
in an attempt to prevent
heartache and hurt.

The other speaks from
the tip of the tongue
nothing censured
and without care for possible pain.

One wages battle
against all that I know of you.
The other will never give up
or back down
or cease to care
for you.

One waves a bloody banner
claiming death unto the enemy.
"Kill thine own heart"
They shout.

The other waves a banner of peace
Doves upon a white sheet.
"Love thyself and he"
They call out.

The bloody battle rages on
Each side claiming to be right.
Slowly one half begins to wane.
Its prowess cannot match
The other's beating heart.

One strikes the fatal blow
One side dies a mangled mess.
If the heart beats the logic,
logic might be spared.
But if logic doth prevail,
the heart shall be no more.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


You took my heart
So well I thought I guarded it,
So well I thought I hid it.
But you snuck past my sentinels
Slipped by my sight,
Found A map that led
way beyond the fray.

Never had I thought
That I would see this day.

You had no permission.
You never asked for my heart.
      nor my hand or head.
You just took what you wanted
     not that I could care.
After all you stole my heart.

But did you have to leave me barren?
I just want to say:
Thank you Mom. You are always there for me. You help me more than you could ever realize. I have the most amazing times with you.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

I'm on hiatus for an undetermined amount of time. Enjoy my absence.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

When everything happens for a reason, what is the reason for you?

Saturday, September 10, 2011

I'm in a hating mood.

Breaking Rules.

You make me want to break my rules
Every single one.

Never date someone twice.
Don't get addicted to the physical.
Don't fall before I'm ready.
Don't even try for long distance.

I've broken them all.
One by one.
You drew me in.
But oh how I was praying you would.

Perhaps I will forget you in time.
Perhaps I will get over you in time.
But I don't want to
I'm addicted to this feeling
This sense of finally being.
I want to spend my time
with you
and only

Thursday, September 8, 2011

You are the reason for so much of what I do. So, why is it so hard for me to tell this to you?

Only A Dream

I dreamt of something impossible to have
It was you in all entirety.
I'd have your heart and you'd have mine.
We'd live and love and laugh together
for all of time.

My mind would wander to your smile,
Oh how dreamt that it would shine upon me all of my days.
Skies would brighten with you at my side
The rain would go away.
Snow would melt because of you
And there was summer and spring eternal.

But alas,
It was only a dream I dreamt.
Only visions of a wish.
Perhaps, I thought.
Perhaps it could be.
But it was only a dream I dreamt.

Only a dream I still dream.

~Anora Anakaya~

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

I am hurting more today, than I have ever hurt before. And no one will notice.

Monday, September 5, 2011


One last kiss
One last hug
One last moment
Before I may never see you again.

My heart is breaking
My world is changing
Tears are streaming down my face.
And questions start running through my mind.

Why must you go?
Why can't you stay?
but even more so,
Why do I feel this way?

Sunday, September 4, 2011

It's never been harder to say goodbye.

I said goodbye today to a friend who has always been more than just a friend. I might not see him for a long time. I may even never see him again. I don't know what I'm going to do. When I left, I was in tears. When I think of him, I only have regret for having nothing more.

God, guide me.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Your False Beliefs

I fear the very thing that brought me together with you the first time. The thoughts you have of her, hurt me. The things you dream, am I in them? Or are you only keeping me hanging on for the sake of your false beliefs? I say something, you must contradict. You say something, and I often agree. My dreams include you with smiles. My heart longs for yours in complete.But where does your heart lie? What do you see in your dreams? It almost certainly seems as though it is not me.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Falling for You

I feel myself melting when I think of you.
I form a puddle on the floor, a smile spread across my face.
My heart longs for your comfort, my body for your touch.
Simply stated
I'm falling harder and harder for you.
No matter what my mind says, nor what logic tells me,
I cannot care for your going away.
If all I have with you are a few weeks,
I will spend every possible moment with you,
Even if it comes to naught.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

My Heart, It Is Yours

Maybe we shouldn't have even dared
Shouldn't have even take the first step down that stair
But it felt so good
and felt so right
when you kissed me and held me tight
But where shall this path lead?
To heartache I'm sure.
How can I not stop,
this train wreck I foresee?
No matter the pain that shall come,
you are so addicting,
so irresistible to me.
I can't rid myself of you.
Nor do I want to.
I almost say "I Love You" every time.
But those words are cursed
and I cannot say them without fear
even if I do love everything about you.
And even now,
I imagine you behind me,
holding me close, erasing my worries
with a soft and gentle touch.

Monday, August 15, 2011

The Confusion of Those Words

Confusion seeps beyond
every crevice of my mind.
The words that I've long awaited to hear
have finally been said.

But my head never wished to hear them.
No, my mind was in fear.
My heart called out for you since the first day
when I saw you for the first time.

It's too late now,
we can't take it back.
The way I look at you
scares me half to death.

~Anora Anakaya~
Always Hope

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

To soar

A mighty bird
unfurls its wings
and falls into the wind.
Gradually the eagle slows his descent.
The great wings lift him toward the clouds.

I watch his majesty from the ground.
My eyes filled with wonder.
How I'd love to soar.
How I wish that the eagle I saw
was really me.

But I have no wings.
I have to way to glide.
No my arms do not work the same
as those fascinating appendages.

But oh,
How I'd love to soar.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Happy To Report

I am happy to report my return to the world of blogging. My first post back here tells you all to go to L.I.F. (the link can be found to the right) and check out my most recent post there. Have fun reading!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

My Reason

Everyone has a different reason
a different way to go about
a different excuse to let them
get through the day.
Mine is simple
I'm not done yet.
I haven't even started
not even close.
I'm still working on
the next great thing.
The idea has not yet come
the plan still does not exist
and guess what?
I'm still farther along than you.

What is your reason?
Why do you live?
Do you seek love, fortune, or fame?
Or to make a difference?
To be remembered?
Will you be forgotten?
I hope I'm not.
But I don't want to be remembered here.
Here I will always be forgotten
and attempted to be outdone.
So not earthly remembrance
but rather in the heavens
where my Savior can find me
truly perfect
for once in my life.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

not so much.
last minute dates
a few changes of mind.
and if i say
no it wasnt fun
then it becomes
why? What happened?
Too bad. I loved it.
and I
become ridicule.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Love's escape

I'm lost, dazed, and confused.
Has anyone been here before?
Am I the first? I wont be the last.
Where am I? Who am I?
Someone save me.

Sudden heat, then cold
terror steals life from my soul
death's white pallor encompasses me
all the while
love escapes me.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Vast Blue

Lost in the vast blue.
is it the sky or the sea?
Do I sail open waters?
or glide through open air?
My mind drifts
I'm floating away.
Away from what?
I can't see shore,
Only blue.

And I could
not be floating
I could be soaring.
But there is blue above,
and below.
And I'm just a speck. 

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Joy in Jesus

The pleasure of earthly things always fades away,
 but the joy found in God always will stay.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Writing Contest?

So the wonderful Writer's Digest is holding I writing contest and I think I'm going to enter. Of course I'll be entering under my actual name instead of my pen name. BUT I am really excited about this and if it weren't for Quinton from L.I.F. I wouldn't know about it. This can be such an amazing opportunity!!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I'm the best
According to my prof
The best in years
the best considering my age
59 out of 60
and that one point I missed
was based off of clarity.

But he doesn't see
my struggles at home
when I'm pulling out my hair
when I'm struggling to get done
when I'm Googling everything
so that I can understand
when I run to my brother
who no longer understands.

that he doesn't see.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

My Shadow

Have you ever looked at your shadow and instead of seeing just a shadow you see yourself, when you were six. The scrunched shadow close to noon is about the height you would've been. Or even the elongated shadow as evening approaches could be you imagining yourself taller. Maybe you were running to catch something caught in the wind and something possessed you to glance to the side and you saw your shape running along side and it looked just the same as when you were eight and you did the same.

Through everything that changes, through time, age, life, change in sense of style, through the hair cuts, the piercings, and the scars, one thing never changes. And that one thing, is always right next to you. Sometimes it's six feet tall. Other times it's only mere centimeters.But it's always there. Always. It never leaves. You never can get rid of it. It never changes. It is exactly the same as when you were younger and it will be exactly the same when you are older. It is called a shadow and it is always with you.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Coming to Terms

I am slowly coming to terms.
Slowly coming to terms with my life
How meaningless it is.
Slowly coming to terms with my work
I've really done nothing yet.
Slowly coming to terms with my existence
I do not belong here.

Slowly, I am coming to terms
with the world
with people
and yet nothing.

Slowly, as I am coming to terms
I find myself
into the background,
the scenery,
the backdrop of life.

I see myself
accomplished in my age
But where does it lead me?
I shall fade with time.
No, I won't be Bill Gates
or the inventor of a telephone.

Send me back to Einstein's age
and I will be as much help to him
as I am to a dead man.
Edison wouldn't benefit
from knowledge that I have.
And I surely cannot write
better than Hemingway or Poe

No, my name
will not go down
in the history books.
My impact on the world
will be limited:
personal relations at best.

I am coming to terms.

Monday, March 7, 2011


ok so i had my first college visit today!! im so excited now! I want to get this college business out of the way!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Everyone has their own way
of saying every little thing.
Someone can say
the rudest thing in the nicest way
and we wont even blink.

But sometimes the nicest thing
is said in the rudest way
and we break into tears
or start screaming our fears.
And we don't know what to say.

But what I love
is how
no matter what we say
or how we say it
They are simply words
that could easily mean
something else entirely.

Monday, February 21, 2011


many flowers spring forth
from my mind
some bloom
others wither
others grow into
magnificent trees.
Some bear fruit
while others are simply flowers.

Sometimes I'll cut them down
place them in a vase
and share them with a friend.
Other times
I keep them as a secret
for me and God alone.

I love these flowers,
they always smell sweet.

Friday, February 18, 2011

What do you do when you have a problem that no one will listen to? When everyone you ask answers the same but the answer just isn't satisfactory? When you've got issues and meanwhile you are stuck between two friends who've got issues of their own? What do you do?

I cry silently,
in my room
where no one can see
and then
I speak softly
stay quiet
and invisible.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Waiting is Done

Just a few more days
just a couple more hours
now minutes
now seconds

It is here now finally.
The waiting is done
It greats me at my door.

Shadows dance about in the gloom.
It is he
and he has hidden his face.

He holds out his hand
bone thin and white.
I take it gladly,
I've waited so long.

He leads me off into the night
And silently I wonder
Where my destination might be.


If you don't mind
I think I'll sit here awhile
and admire the view.
Homework can sit
on the back burner.
Its time that I
revel in the warmth
of the wind
that whips about me.

If you don't mind
I think I'll skip chores today
What's the point
of them anyway?
The dishes can wait,
the carpet wont get much worse,
and the dust
can easily be blown away tomorrow.

If you don't mind
I think I'll take hiatus now.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

As the day passes,
my mask begins to fade.
Eyeshadow slowly fades
wearing away,
until only a tint is left.

My lipstick rubs off
as I wipe my mouth
after lunch, a pinkish stain
taints the white paper.

Foundation, that peachy color
that covers all these,
transfers itself to everything
my hand as I itch a scratch
the paper as I lay my head to rest

My mascara,
that lengthens and defines
my thin lashes,
flakes off
leaving little pieces
under my eyes.

And by the time that I get home,
between the now and then,
That mask I wore
when I walked out the door
has faded back to me.

I see the scars
the overly red cheeks,
and all the other blemishes.
I see how my eyes dull
against my natural skin.
I see my lips with no color at all.

And I'm glad
that someone sees me
after my mask has faded.
Even if its only
me seeing me.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011


If you want to sound like an intellectual, end every statement with a question.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Ever think its too much?
This life that you're living?

Homework and work
and classes and life?
Late nights
early mornings
long days
with sleepless nights?

So much to do
and so much
 wanted to be done
only 24 hours,
or 1440 minutes
or 86400 seconds
per day.
8 hours
or 480 minutes
or 28800 seconds

Look at all that wasted time.

6 hours of work
per week.
7.50 per hour.
45 per week.

Hello gas money.

But what about those shoes
or prom this year?
What about that summer camp
and soccer fees?
Where's that money coming from?
Not me.
Not yet.

So, am I striving for too much at once?
Working to hard
for the hours in a day
for something out of reach?

I pray to God that I'm not.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Jesus Saved Me Today

Jesus saved me today.
He took my soul
cleaned it
polished it up
made it shine,
buffed out the scratches
made the impurities beautiful.

He set me up on the mantel.

Tomorrow He may have to do it all again,
But for today,
for right now,
I am
and with Him.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

What Would You Do (Unfortunately I can't ask Jesus and get an immeadiate reply)

So what would you guys do if one of your friends, that you maybe kinda like and were thinking about taking to a dance is actually not (ummm how should I put this?) who you thought they were? Like there whole lifestyle isn't what you thought it was. And it's not something small and as inconsequential as, uh let's say breaking the drinking law every now and then (not that I'm saying that's acceptable......). I'm talking things like they're complete jerks, or they don't like the gender you thought they did.... you know... stuff like that.  And this lifestyle difference is something you are entirely against (to the extent of Civil War type dislike).
See, I have this situation. Right now. I've got no clue what to say, what to do, or who to turn to. And I want to support this friend of mine (and keep them as a friend) but I want to let them know how wrong what they are doing is. So how do I do that? How I tell someone that I hate what they're are doing but still like them as a person?

Monday, January 31, 2011

Just Dreams

I'm tired of all this dreaming
it leaves me empty inside
as if life amounts to nothing
as if I'm just drifting,
like a leaf upon a river
or a snowflake in the wind.

Do I amount to anything,
or am I just a part
of a larger number,
one among thousands
among millions,
among billions?

I have dreams of meaning something,
of making a change,
of becoming immortalized,
of becoming important,
but these dreams are exactly that,
just dreams.

So save me from my dreams,
from myself,
from the world.
I'm not sure I'm meant for it,
for this thing called life.

Monday, January 24, 2011

When We Dream

When we dream,
We don't see the stars.
When we dream,
we look down,
over the edge of the great wings
that keep us among the clouds,
not yet decided,
not yet committed.
And when we look over the edge,
we see the millions
who tried
and failed.
And we dare not be among them,
for their great wings have died.
Yet we descend
ever so slowly
the longer we wait
to chase our desires.
We fear the fall
too much to ascend
and climb the skies
to fly among the stars.
We fear dying,
we fear failure.
We want to stand out
not fall down.
And as our wings slowly fall
we never realize
until our feet touch the ground.
Then the stars look farther away,
then they ever did before.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

The Great Wings of Dreams

Life seems to get harder
as the days go by
nothing is ever simple
not anymore.
are we drifting through life
on the wings of empty dreams
hopes that are just there
to keep us hanging on
too scared to take the risk
of jumping from the sky?
We don't want to see the ground
where the dreams have died.
They are seen on the ground
their great wings clipped by death
or the moment lost to chance.
Their broken bodies fill the ground
and we don't want to see ourselves down there.
But if we don't take that leap,
and fall on toward the ground,
Our dreams will never fly higher,
among the planets and stars.
Instead we'll keep on holding on
through hopes that should've died,
and we'll hang onto the the great wings of dreams
that we don't want to die.
We don't have the courage,
to see it all fail,
fail and fall,
fall to the ground.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

I promise

No matter where you go,
no matter what you do,
remember that this girl
will never leave.
She's gonna stay until
we can look back and laugh
at all the times we cried
She wants to tell her children
that we never stopped
and we always tried
and yes we had our bad times
but life is too short to give in,
and love prevailed against all that pain.
So she's gonna stay and stick it out
cause she wants to love you.
Love you forever.

So always remember
this girl isn't going anywhere
and she loves you,
with all her heart.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Better That Way

Is it worth it?
Is it worth
everything I do?
I'm tired of trying
you don't even see
how hard this is for me.
I'm giving up
giving in
I'm letting down these walls
because they don't help anymore
I'll now tell you when I cry
Show you when I'm mad
but not the way I used to
not bottled up emotions.
I'm tired of you
because I've done everything
every possible thing,
and you turn away
so that you can
keep on a track of yelling
You don't want to get of the train
but I do.
I want to jump off
roll to safety
even if I break a leg doing it.
Its better that way.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Die Whole

We're all dying.
Through heartache
through all those things
we die.
Too much stress,
too little life.
Sure it's eighty some years now
before we pass away,
thanks to medicine
But we die.
That won't change.
we weren't meant to live to eighty anyway.
Forty maybe,
but not eighty,
not one hundred certainly.
But we all want to live longer,
get married later,
die older,
have kids at thirty-five.
Except me.
I want to die sooner,
skip out on those
'life-preserving' drugs,
get married at twenty-four
maybe twenty-five,
have kids soon after,
die at fifty.
I think that'd be a good life.
Because otherwise,
you postpone the inevitable
its like procrastinating.
And why do we procrastinate?
because we fear the end?
because we are lazy?
well I'm not.
I want this life to get going already.
I mean really,
get this over with already.
Don't get me wrong
I love life
I like living
But if we were meant to live to one hundred
wouldn't our bodies be designed to last til then?
Instead we are wearing out,
our body parts decay
before we even die.
I don't want that.
I want to die whole,
Nothing rotting away.

Monday, January 10, 2011

I just want to be gone

I just want to be gone from this place
How could I want to stay?
Walls crumble around me.
Red flags fly everywhere
Nobody offers up white
Who would want to be wrong?
But it only gets worse
as we are set in our stubborn ways
and the fighting,
the hurting, the pain:
its not worth the trouble i go through
not when, not when
everything else crumbles.