Why does it feel as if I've been broken up with when there was no relationship to start with?

I lack the words to describe how I feel. And I lack the drive to find out the words that fit the definition I require, because as soon as I find those words it makes everything that much more real.

Music

Notes tick the time away.
Every two and a half minutes
are marked by the end
and a beginning

My head bobs up and down
to an invisible beat
only audible to my ears.

I find myself
mouthing the words
I dare not sing them aloud
in such a public space.

A smile spreads across my face
and slowly
an hour of waiting
becomes minutes of dreaming
and what once was forever
is simply a moment in time.

Logic or Love

Two halves of me are warring.

One with logic and good intent.

The other with feeling and a heart.

One bends all reality 

in an attempt to prevent

heartache and hurt.

The other speaks from

the tip of the tongue

nothing censured

and without care for possible pain.

One wages battle

against all that I know of you.

The other will never give up

or back down

or cease to care

for you.

One waves a bloody banner

claiming death unto the enemy.

"Kill thine own heart"

They shout.

The other waves a banner of peace

Doves upon a white sheet.

"Love thyself and he"

They call out.

The bloody battle rages on

Each side claiming to be right.

Slowly one half begins to wane.

Its prowess cannot match

The other's beating heart.

One strikes the fatal blow

One side dies a mangled mess.

If the heart beats the logic,

logic might be spared.

But if logic doth prevail,

the heart shall be no more.

Barren

You took my heart
So well I thought I guarded it,
So well I thought I hid it.
But you snuck past my sentinels
Slipped by my sight,
Found A map that led
way beyond the fray.

Never had I thought
That I would see this day.

You had no permission.
You never asked for my heart.
      nor my hand or head.
You just took what you wanted
     not that I could care.
After all you stole my heart.

But did you have to leave me barren?

I just want to say:
Thank you Mom. You are always there for me. You help me more than you could ever realize. I have the most amazing times with you.

I'm on hiatus for an undetermined amount of time. Enjoy my absence.

When everything happens for a reason, what is the reason for you?

I'm in a hating mood.

Breaking Rules.

You make me want to break my rules
Every single one.

Never date someone twice.
Don't get addicted to the physical.
Don't fall before I'm ready.
Don't even try for long distance.

I've broken them all.
One by one.
You drew me in.
But oh how I was praying you would.

Perhaps I will forget you in time.
Perhaps I will get over you in time.
But I don't want to
I'm addicted to this feeling
This sense of finally being.
I want to spend my time
with you
and only
you.

You are the reason for so much of what I do. So, why is it so hard for me to tell this to you?

Only A Dream

I dreamt of something impossible to have
It was you in all entirety.
I'd have your heart and you'd have mine.
We'd live and love and laugh together
for all of time.

My mind would wander to your smile,
Oh how dreamt that it would shine upon me all of my days.
Skies would brighten with you at my side
The rain would go away.
Snow would melt because of you
And there was summer and spring eternal.

But alas,
It was only a dream I dreamt.
Only visions of a wish.
Perhaps, I thought.
Perhaps it could be.
But it was only a dream I dreamt.

Only a dream I still dream.

~Anora Anakaya~

I am hurting more today, than I have ever hurt before. And no one will notice.

Goodbye.

One last kiss
One last hug
One last moment
Before I may never see you again.

My heart is breaking
My world is changing
Tears are streaming down my face.
And questions start running through my mind.

Why must you go?
Why can't you stay?
but even more so,
Why do I feel this way?

It's never been harder to say goodbye.

I said goodbye today to a friend who has always been more than just a friend. I might not see him for a long time. I may even never see him again. I don't know what I'm going to do. When I left, I was in tears. When I think of him, I only have regret for having nothing more.

God, guide me.

Your False Beliefs

I fear the very thing that brought me together with you the first time. The thoughts you have of her, hurt me. The things you dream, am I in them? Or are you only keeping me hanging on for the sake of your false beliefs? I say something, you must contradict. You say something, and I often agree. My dreams include you with smiles. My heart longs for yours in complete.But where does your heart lie? What do you see in your dreams? It almost certainly seems as though it is not me.